just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
