I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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