I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
