I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
