Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had to cum in my sink.
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