Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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