I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
