HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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