The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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