Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
