69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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