My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
