i permit you to call me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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