he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
