Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
