Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
