How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
