imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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