then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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