finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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