I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
