I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
