I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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