I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
