Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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