hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
