I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
