Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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