i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
