hotel room ftw
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
