i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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