yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
