Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
