he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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