I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
