I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
