she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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