In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
