i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
