I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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