I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
