Tell her she can't have a vagina
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
