Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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