Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
