my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
