Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
