Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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