The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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