Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
