I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
