I am puke
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
