I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
