that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
