we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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