dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
