I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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