I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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