yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You ruined the universe
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
