I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am one with the molecules
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
True strength comes from lack of pants
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
