break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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