If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
