I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
