thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
