At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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