Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
