you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
