ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
