Screwed.edu
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
