Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize