Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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